girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
