he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
