I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
