wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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