you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
