while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
