I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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