I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
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