first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
