I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
