wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
