Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
