and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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