I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize