just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
