great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
