it was like eating out sand paper
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
