I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
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