Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
two words...techno handjob
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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