Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
