You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
