Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
