my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
