Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
