Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
