i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I believe in your delicious
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
