hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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