someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
