Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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