I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
