i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
