put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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