Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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