How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Houston, we have a blender
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
