The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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