He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
