But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
