so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
time to smoke my breakfast
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He passed out mid-signature
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
