You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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