eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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