My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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