just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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