Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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