he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
