I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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