Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
