Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
