it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
