If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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