Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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