Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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