You can't motorboat a personality
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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