i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
