wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
