First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
