Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize