What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm bleeding and have questions
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
