i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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