honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
