How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
