my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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