I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
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