Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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