He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Sober January is a disaster.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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