My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
please don't ironically join a cult
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