Only a mothe r could love this liver
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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