i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
