why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
this is an emotional support booty call
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize