Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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