Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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