At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i think i have two assholes
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
