I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
