he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
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