I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
