she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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