CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Never underestimate the power of titties
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
