i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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