My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
