what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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