Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
