Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
