i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
