I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
