you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
