My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
