Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
