we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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