We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
