ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
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