It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
