I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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