I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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