Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
