I want to make a zoo with you.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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