she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
