hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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