I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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