She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
