Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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