good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
