Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
