so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
