You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
