So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
