You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
