I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize