i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
