i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize