If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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