Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
