We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
