i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
